13 May 2010 @ 04:04 pm

"Actually I don't know if it's the missing mohawk or the
whining, but I am totally not turned on by you right now."

"Get ready black girl from Glee Club whose name I can't
remember right now, the Puckster is about to make you his."

Mr. Schue: Um, what are these?
Rachel: My vitamin supplements. I'm taking them three times a day. I'm exhausted. I even felt a tickle in the back of my throat and I never get sick.
Mr. Schue: I just don't understand why you're so tired all of a sudden.
Rachel: Because every song I sing in here is a solo.

Rachel: As you know, I have perfect pitch which also means I have a very sensitive ear. None of them were singing. I knew I needed proof so I had a little talk with Lauren Zizes, President of the AV Club.
Lauren: Bug the choir room? I'm almost offended by the simplicity of the request.
Rachel: Just tell me you can do it Zizes, the microphones would have to be hidden.
Lauren: Who's this guy? Who's this guy? It'll cost you two bucks of Mallomars for me and Snicker bars for my workers. Take it or leave it Berry.

Bored Quinn is bored.

Rachel: Here are the Glee Club members who are not pulling their weight.
Mr. Schue: This is half the club.
Mr. Schue: I am very disappointed in you guys.
Finn: I can't believe you narked on us.
Rachel: Don't get mad at me for exposing your laziness. I'm tired of carrying all of your weight. Regionals is in a month guys.
Mr. Schue: I'm just trying to understand what's going on here. Finn, why did you stop singing?
Finn: Cause you started giving all the male leads to Jesse. Kinda shook my confidence, ya know?
Santana: Ugh, what difference does it make? Everyone knows that my job here is to look hot.
Quinn: My baby hormones are making me moody.
Brittany: There are so many lyrics.

"Rachel, I think you've lost your voice."

Rachel: What if he says I'll never sing again? I mean, who am I without my voice? I'm just this spoiled, annoying, only child-
Finn: Don't say that. There's like so many awesome things about you.
Rachel: Like?
Finn: Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again.
Doctor: Bad news Rachel, you'll probably never sing again. I'm kidding. You have severe tonsillitis which has resulted in an inner ear infection. From the looks of things it's not the first time. You should've had them out years ago.
Rachel: Why should I let you butcher my throat when just resting my voice for a week and chugging down herbal tea will do the same job?
Doctor: This is a very serious infection.
Finn: I think she's worried about the surgery affecting her singing voice.
Doctor: At least start by taking this antibiotics. Unless you think they're going to adversely affect your dance moves.
Rachel: What do you think I should do?
Finn: You should ask your boyfriend. Oh wait, you can't, he's not here.
Rachel: He's in San Diego on spring break with his friends from Vocal Adrenaline.
Finn: When are you gonna realize he's not into you like I am? You think he's gonna stick around if you can't sing? If you're a vocal cripple?
Rachel: Look, I know that you've always been jealous of Jesse. And even though he and I haven't spoken since the whole "Run Joey Run" debacle you just have to accept the fact that I still care about him deeply. And I know he still feels the same way about me.

You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl
I want Jessie's girl,
Where can I find a woman like that,
like Jessie's girl,
I wish that I had Jessie's girl,
I want, I want Jessie's girl

That's why the lady is a tramp

Mercedes: Look Quinn, I could never see myself being into a guy like Puck, especially since he's your baby's daddy but something just happened between us.
Quinn: I say, go for it.
Mercedes: What?
Quinn: Look, I screwed up by letting Puck get me pregnant. He's an idiot and his mother won't let me eat bacon. I'm stuck living with him right now but at least, if you guys are dating, I won't have to spend so much time listening to his insane theories about how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization. But you do realize he's using you and your popularity so he won't get tossed in a dumpster?
Mercedes: I know he's using me, but in a way it's even better. I'm not you, I've never had a guy like me for anything but now I'm such a steamy mug of hot chocolate that one of the studliest guys in school wants to use me to harvest some mojo.
Quinn: I just don't want you getting hurt.
Mercedes: I know what this is. My heart's safe.
Quinn: Oh I'm not worried about your heart. I might be okay with this but not even Puck is going to be able to call off Santana.

Ain't that America?

Brittany: Hey Kurt. That song was hot.
Kurt: Oh, merci.
Brittany: So you're pretty much the only guy in this school that I haven't made out with because I thought you were a capital G gay, but now that you're not having a perfect record would me a lot to me. So, let me know if you wanna tap this.

Finn: Are you sleep walking?
Rachel: You have to be able to sleep to sleep walk. I am on my third day of antibiotics and I'm not getting any better which means I'm gonna to have to have that surgery, which means my life is over.
Finn: Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? I mean, even for you? God, I'm so sick of you feeling sorry for yourself.
Rachel: Don't you get it? I am my voice. I am like Tinkerbell, Finn, I need applause to live.
Finn: I've got a friend I want you to meet.
Rachel: Not another doctor, I've seen six already.
Finn: No, no he's an old friend of mine.

Kurt: Your lip gloss tastes like root beer. It's weird. Can I ask you something? What do boys' lips taste like?
Brittany: Usually dip, sometimes it tastes like burgers .. or my armpits. Kissing my armpits is a really big turn on for me.
Burt: Whoa, am I interrupting something?
Kurt: You sure are.
Burt: Okay, I'm confused. I came home to find this not on your doorknob: 'Do not enter under any circumstances I'm making out with a girl.' I just thought it was the start of one of your murder mystery dinners.
Kurt: Dad I really need you to respect my privacy. Brittany and I were just, uh, having sexual relations.

You need to give it up.
Had about enough.
It's not hard to see, the boy is mine

Must you do the things you do.
Keep on acting like a fool.
You need to know it's me not you well.
If you didn't know it girl, it's true.

Rachel: Thanks.
Sean: For what?
Rachel: Just um, thanks.

Brittany: Your hands are really soft.
Kurt: My secret: duck fat. Hey guys, just holding hands with Brittany.
Brittany: Seriously, they feel like a baby. Now I know what it's like to date a baby.

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
You ask for me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters and my brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

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