26 May 2010 @ 09:38 pm

Artie: It's so weird.
Finn: This so isn't you.
Tina: I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.
Mr. Schue: Tina, are there any other looks you can try?
Santana: Biker chick.
Finn: Cowgirl?
Mercedes: Hood rat.
Quinn: Computer programmer.
Brittany: Cross-country skier.
Puck: Catholic school girl?
Brittany: Happy Meal no onions, or a chicken.

Rachel: Guys, we have a serious problem. You know I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline.
Artie: Isn't that against the rules?
Rachel: No, not at at all ... or probably. Whatever, anyway, what I figured out: I rooted through the dumpsters behind the Carmel auditorium and I found 18 empty boxes of Christmas lights.
Tina: Oh no.
Rachel: Which led me to Joelle Fabrics and I asked them about red chantilly lace and they were sold out.
Mercedes: Oh sweet Jesus.
Kurt: Oh my.
Mr. Schue: Wait, wait, what?
Kurt: They're doing Gaga.
Mercedes: That's it, it's over.
Rachel: Exactly.
Kurt: We should've guessed it. They're going to full out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them.
Puck: What's up with this Gaga dude he just dresses weird right? Like Bowie?
Kurt: Lady Gaga is a woman. She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation. And she changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.
Brittany: That's true.
Artie: It makes sense that Vocal Adrenaline would pay homage, it's a brilliant move, she's a perfect fit for them.
Mr. Schue: Now hold on a second. We might be able to kill two birds with one stone here. We can help Tina find a new look and find a competitive number for Regionals. This week your assignment: Gaga.
Rachel: Pens. I need a pen, my ideas just come to me. Brainstorming, it's coming.

Mercedes: You think they can see us?
Quinn: If they catch us are we going to have to go to jail?
Rachel: Stealing their ideas is not a crime. Your shoes are making noise. They look amazing.
Shelby: One, two, three, four, five, six, and seven, eight. And claw, claw, up, clap clap. And five, six-- Okay, okay, okay, just, enough. You guys aren't getting it. You're letting the costumes do all the work. Theatricality isn't about crazy outfits, it's not enough to douse yourself in gasoline, you have to light yourselves on fire to make it work.
Rachel: She's good.
Shelby: Being theatrical doesn't mean you have to be a nuclear explosion. It can be like a quiet storm, you just have to radiate emotion, express what's deep inside you. That is what theatricality is truly about. Do I have to demonstrate? Funny Girl, E Flat.
Rachel: Exactly what I would've done. Barbara, I could do it in my sleep.

"Ms. Corcoran, I'm Rachel Berry, I'm your daughter.

Rachel: Did you ever regret it?
Shelby: Yes, then no, then so much.
Rachel: When did you realize it was the right time for me to find you?
Shelby: I saw you sing at Sectionals, you were extraordinary, you were me.
Rachel: Was it hard for you to not become a star? To not have your dreams come true?
Shelby: It felt like a broken promise, like the Fisher King's wound: never heals.
Rachel: Wow, genetics really are amazing, you see the world with the same fierce theatricality as I do. Even the way we're sitting right now is so dramatic, but we feel so comfortable with it.
Shelby: I've missed so much, how do you feel?
Rachel: Thirsty. When I was little and used to get sad, my dads would bring me a glass of water. It got so I couldn't tell if I was sad or just thirsty.
Shelby: I shouldn't have done this. This was supposed to feel good, we were supposed to have some kind of slow motion run into each other's arms, this is all wrong.
Rachel: Maybe we can just go to dinner or something, just to get over the initial shock.
Shelby: I'm so sorry, Rachel. I'll call you.

Puck: You're wrong. It's a really good name, it's a rockstar name.
Quinn: You wanna name our daughter, Jack Daniels. She's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine whatever, Jackie Daniels.
Quinn: The name is not the point. I told you this: I'm giving up the baby so I don't have to do this with you. This is good for you, now you can go off and be a rockstar yourself.

Mr. Schue: Little Monsters, take a bow. Alright, ladies, Kurt, I am really really impressed. Siéntate. You know what the best part is? Each one of your costumes shows off a different aspect of your personalities.
Puck: Wait, where's Rachel? I mean I only noticed because like 5 minutes have gone by without her saying something totally obnoxious.
Mercedes: Rachel kind of got some intense news yesterday.
Quinn: We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline and-
Mr. Schue: Guys, that's not fair. Stop doing that, but uh, you know, what'd you find out?
Mercedes: Okay, y'all ready? Ms. Corcoran, their coach, she's Rachel's mom.
Mr. Schue: Are you serious?
Puck: Way to bury the lead Mercedes, Rachel's gonna jump ship to Vocal Adrenaline.
Rachel: Never, I really don't wanna talk about it though, I'm still processing the news. My dads are moving my therapist to our spare room this afternoon. Anyways, I'm not going anywhere and I've chosen a Lady Gaga look that expresses the longing for a childhood I was deprived of.
Brittany: You look terrible. I look awesome.
Mercedes: I think it's the Kermit the Frog look.
Kurt: And we have a jumper.
Rachel: Well my dads can't sew so these are just stapled on.
Mr. Schue: Okay guys why don't we just worry about this later and maybe try to focus on the song.
Rachel: Couldn't agree more. Hit it!

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want it bad
A bad romance

I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your lover’s revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Rachel: Mom?
Shelby: Hon, you gotta stop sneaking into these rehearsals.
Rachel: It's kind of important.
Shelby: Oh dear God.
Rachel: My dads can't sew, I really need a mom right now. Do you think you can help?

It doesn't matter what you do or say
Just forget the things that you've been told
We can't do it any other way
Everybody's got to rock and roll, whoo, oh, oh

Shout it, shout it, shout it out loud

Beth, I hear you callin'
But I can't come home right now
Me and the boys are playin'
And we just can't find the sound
Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

Shelby: So how did your dads come up with the name Rachel?
Rachel: They were big
Friends fans. I know why you're here: to say goodbye.
Shelby: I really wanted this to work. Do you know what really turned me? That story, that you told me about your dads and how they would bring you water when you were sad. We're never gonna have anything like that. It's too late for us. I just think anything we share right now is going to be confusing for you.
Rachel: I just don't understand, you're my mom, I feel awful right now and I should just want to fall into your arms and let you rock me and tell me that I'll be fine but I just don't feel it.
Shelby: It's because I'm your mother but I'm not your mom.
Rachel: So what? Do we just pretend we don't know each other now?
Shelby: That seems silly, let's just be grateful for one another, from afar, for a while. Don't think for one second I'm gonna go soft on you at Regionals.
Rachel: Bring it.
Shelby: Can I have a hug goodbye?
Rachel: Sure.
Shelby: Can you do me one more favor? Some time, when you're thirsty, can you get yourself some water from this cup? Gold stars are kinda my thing.
Rachel: Of course. Shelby, before you go will you sing with me? Just one time, it's sort of a fantasy of mine and it would really mean a lot to me.
Shelby: I would be honored.

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas Plays
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me
Lovegame and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun

Rachel: I'm tired of everyone calling us freaks.
Mercedes: Well look at us, we are freaks.
Finn: But we're all freaks together and we shouldn't have to hide it.
Current Mood: hot
Current Music: "choke" by the cardigans
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